Manas Chitta Ahamkara Buddhi

Ahhh, relationships. We love, we break up, we marry, we divorce, we love again, we long, we pursue, we desire, we give up, we start again, and somewhere along the line there is the realization that perhaps at the end of the day, all of our afflictions with the relationship and the pendulum swings of good and bad that we experience, my actually be coming from our perception. The other person may not be the problem at all. When we've been through enough relationships to see the same familiar patterns emerging over and over again, there usually comes a point where we say to ourselves, "Maybe it's me that needs to change and think differently. Maybe all of this "stuff" is coming from me!" And then what....we have a choice. Stay in the samskaric cycle of the karma of your relationship patterns or create new patterns.

One of the ways in which new patterns are created is through observation and meditation. This past weekend in the yoga education program we were discussing the four functions of the mind: manas, chitta, ahamkara and buddhi. Manas is our sensory and processing mind. The importer of ideas and information and the exporter of thoughts, words and actions. Chitta is the storage and memory bank of our impressions, our memories and our habits. Ahamkara is the "I-maker" or the ego, which feels itself to be a distinct, separate entity. It provides identity to our functioning, but also creates our feelings of separation, pain and alienation. Buddhi is the clearest point of the mind. It is the knower that knows. The doorway to inner wisdom and awakening.

Most of our lives are spent wrestling with chitta, the old impressions, and playing out hold habits that usually rise to the surface when our buttons are pushed. Then manas, our conscious mind, acts and responds and we are in the battle of ahamkara: what about ME! Even though that wise whisper may be echoing in the footfalls of the situation, buddhi is clouded. Meditation clears the manas, chitta and ahamkra so that buddhi is illuminated and clear perception becomes a more natural part of your thinking.

Sounds so simple. And, it is easy to love those who love us. It is easy to feel balanced and joyful and contented when things are going our way. Yet, when we are confronted with a situation or person in real present time that presses and stresses the "I", we often find ourselves acting out of a past habit, saying things we shouldn't say and know we will regret later even when we "know better". And then end up with a feeling of frustration that we failed again.

It was so timely that in the yoga education program we were learning this material and then as divine learning experiences happen when we pay attention, I was confronted with my own "stuff" in my own relationship. Tired from a long 8-hour day of teaching, preparing for the next day and feeling over-tired, a simple conversation turned into a clear observation of manas, chitta, ahamkara and buddhi in action. In the conversation, I was more reactive and emotional than usual and though I would chime in in between listening and speak from a place of divine purpose wanting the best for the other person, my past, latent experiences and impressions (that run so deep in all of us), and the ego personality of wanting what I wanted the way I wanted it and the words that came out of my mind from those places of affliction (self-grasping and attachment) left me feeling incredibly frustrated and saddened. And mostly, because I have the tools and skills to do better. And, I recognize so clearly when "in the moment" if I am stressed or not meditating that when confronted with a frustrating situation the ease at which I fall back into old habits, and patterns and the effort it takes to stay clear in thought so that words spoken are peaceful and loving, is difficult.

And so, working with these four functions of the mind in "real" time is the challenge, especially when over-tired, over-worked, under-nourished and generally stressed. And, this is why daily practice of meditation is essential. If we want to change our relationships and the dynamic of our relationships, we have to change our thinking and our relationship to the way we perceive our self and others.